I wonder how it’s like there.

Where do I begin? This week has been one of the most overwhelming, sad and reflecting times that I have had in a long time. I think life can be summarized into categories of growth and enlightenment because there are many pivotal points into one's life that makes you put things into perspective. Is the rush of daily life enough to sit down and appreciate all that you have around you? Not really. I think that when life throws you a curve ball (or two) it is meant to make you slow down and think and enjoy what we all have here, right now; life. This week I have had two young people close to me pass away and 2 other people who I am friends with had close people to them go as well. One thing that I thought about was how lucky I am to have my husband and my children right here, right now. I don't know what I would do if I had to lay in bed alone without feeling his warmth (ok, now I am getting all choked up) or the sound of laughter from my kids. But where does that leave the people who have to deal with these feelings? The spouses, children, parents and siblings are the ones that I truly grieve for. When it is all quiet is when I worry. There are so many times that I take it all for granted and as I get a little older, dealing with death and life is something that is going to come a lot more. While it does not get any easier, we all must learn that these people that have gone before us are in a place that we all want to be one day and that it's ok.


Week 6


Day 36
I heard today some sad news…there were feelings of panic and of dread. Helplessness filled the air. When you are close to someone, it's amazing how much you pick up on their emotions without them even uttering a word. My husband and I just looked at each other and tears welled up in our eyes. We hugged each other only for a few moments but they felt so good that it felt more like an hour. We both said, "Pray for a miracle" and "it's okay, it's okay" a few times before we both had to compose ourselves. Left with the reeling feelings of sadness for our friend but also their family, set the tone for the rest of the night. Later, our moment was soft and concerning, we took each other in with thoughtful care. It was one of those moments when you connect fully on a spiritual level. We felt alive.

Day 37
She's back…that stupid nature freak, "Flow", god I hate being a woman…. This is really going to help with my emotional level this week. *shakes head and rolls eyes in disgust*
We visited our friend in the hospital and in hindsight, said good bye one last time. As much as hospitals and seeing people in that position terrifies me, it was good to see her and good to talk with the family. The rest of our day was a normal Sunday with playing with the kids and waiting for the big FOOSBALL game that was supposed to come on later. Hubby went out to his friends house around the corner to watch because apparently,"they have the best spread around!". I enjoyed my evening watching Tinker bell while trying to calm a squirmy, teething baby down. Which I guess is very similar to trying to actually catching a football while running. I expected my stud-muffin to come in after the game but he surprised me at 8pm. "They ran out of the ribs…Lisa, they were so good that I want to take some and go cuddle with them in bed…that's how good they were!", he says. "I tried to get some to bring home to you but I was afraid of getting attacked", "I already ate" I say with a laugh. "And it got boring and I thought that I would rather hang out with my baby" he thoughtfully says. Awww, I know he is lying and think….what a guy. Seriously, that right there is so nice. I could care less about flowers or anything else after he said that. Needless to say, he was rewarded for his kind words.

Day 38
*Sigh* our friend has gone. So damn wrong! She was too young, to fun too….full of life. Huh. Isn't that the way it always goes? The ones that you think are too active and energetic to die are the ones to go. I just don't get it.

This is hard to be intimate when you have these emotions around. I almost feel guilty doing it because every time I do it reminds me of a celebration. But that shouldn't necessarily the case because sex is actually a celebration of life and love in general, every time you have sex with your husband, partner, wife...etc, you strengthen your vows. Did you know that marriage isn't the actual sacrament?? It's the SEX! The sex is the most ultimate expression of love and devotion between two married people and if you are catholic (like me) you get to be blessed by God every time you get it on! I am sure that it's like this in all faiths. Not to get all religious but that's just what I was told…….by a priest….he was wearing a white collar….I think. So that night, even though "flow" is here…it was very passionate and deeply emotional.

Day 39
Did I say that I am lucky to have my wonderful husband? Well I am. I am just so proud to be his wife. Honestly, we do not always get along and there are some times when I just want to be by myself (like in the other room, not not married) but that only makes us human. He tells me that I am beautiful when I feel that I am not. Once in a while he even tucks me in at night (awww!) He works so hard to put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. He is amazing and I am so happy that I am able to share life with him. I told him this, as he looks at me like I have given up too much information that needs to be bottled up somewhere. I know guys aren't the best at emotions but hell; I am a woman and damnit, I'm-a-gonna-get-mushy! There is nothing else to say…the door closed and we got busy. Sorry to disappoint you but use your imagination on this one.


Day 40
My hunny had the day off so earlier in the day we managed to get the kids playing in another room so we tiptoed into our room and quickly shut the door and locked it because we don't need any peeper-creepers barging in. While it was quick (more like my handy mouth work was quick), it was refreshing and nice to have him home during the day.


Day 41
UGH! More bad news…A relative of mine, passed away. She had battled cancer for 10 years and also was an amazing, funny, warm hearted person. Again, the ones you think that will always be here. By now I have learned that these two women that I had the privilege to know have taught me a valuable lesson. Life is what you make of it so make it count. And this night…we made it count.


Day 42
Would it be bad if I took a shower this morning with my love? Nah….
Were all clean and warm and fuzzy inside despite what we will go through this afternoon.




Along with strengthening the bonds with others, we have enjoyed getting closer emotionally and spiritually this week. It has opened a door in our relationship that signals a new period of growth for both of us as individuals and as a couple. Sex can be healing and comforting. I remember 42 days ago we slept farther apart on our bed and now we make sure that at least one of us has his/her arm around the other. I hope that it stays like that for the rest of our lives.