The Johnson Dealer

As my parents always said, parenting does not come with a handbook. You can never have the right answers and you can only hope that your children would come out of the whole experience when they turn adults alive. You wonder if you do the right things and think, ok maybe there is something to what my Mother told me. Eating carrots may not exactly make you see in the dark but it may help you to see better anyway. So does all of this stuff about a handbook go with marriages too? Even if you don't need to "heal" your relationship, there is always room for improvement. When you think back to the start of the relationship with your significant other, you remember the butterflies, the big smiles and the little gestures that helped you to fall in love in the first place. What happens when the honeymoon is over? This is the part of the relationship where you really learn about each other. Communication, empathy, listening, compromise and forgiveness are what you have to work on then. Don't you wish they had relationship classes in school since it's the one thing that you are constantly trying to get an A+ in?






Week 8




Day 50
It's only day 50?!?!?! Jeez, it's like I have been getting it on for years now. Let me tell you, it is not easy. I have seen lots of improvements and it's all been positive but it's like the movie is on play in slow motion. Speaking of motion, watermelon flavored massage oil is so fricken awesome. I wonder if I mixed the strawberry and that together…..

*walks out* "hey Hunny, wanna have fruit salad tonight?"

Day 51
A few weeks ago a friend suggested that I become a sex toy party lady. I not so sure because I thought about how it would be and felt it would be nice to get some extra cash but I really have no time well except for Wednesdays and Sundays and there is no way that I am selling vibrators on Sundays..lol Also when I thought about it I had a visual a room full of dildos stacked 100 deep, edible panties, motion lotions and silver bullets. This is not a room that I would like anyone to stumble upon in my house. Could you imagine 80 year old, sweet aunt Bertha opening the door to the surprise of the century? OR I could see my son or daughters coming out drinking a bottle of edible lotion just because it had a watermelon on it or playing with a big rubber dick or cock ring along side of their toy cars or dolls; like it's a bracelet or something. I do not think that I will be a pocket pussy or Johnson dealer anytime soon although it might be fun. If it was 6 years back without little ones and I was doing this NY Res, I totally would. But you know I am having a lot of fun trying out all this fun stuff on our own anyway. I have purchased items from a party before and they sat in a box for years…..until now.

*walks out* "hey Hunny, whatever happened to those edible panties?"

Day 52
So I would never wax myself again but that small patch, plus the razor work that took place and everything else down there, has started to grow back.  I expected it to come back but they say it should be less hair and finer hair too but now it's so itchy. It's funny because I find myself making sure no one is around so I can scratch myself. I even caught myself walking a little different, kind of like a fast walk but making my thighs rub together a little harder so it scratches it a bit (I honestly can't even describe that better…picture 1985 jazzercise walking). One time I saw a pole and thought how good that may feel to itch it from there. This also makes the night a bit more interesting because I keep "itching" while in the act and it can be a bit comical since I didn't tell him what was up. He probably thought that I had lice or something. Lol

*scratch scratch scratch*

Day 53
I have felt like crap for the last few days. My day starts out ok with the exception that I can barely get out of bed but once I am out, I get wide awake. But around 3 or so it's like a downward spiral. So by the time its "bed time" I am exhausted! I may have well just been sleeping because it was easier just to lay there than to do anything. After I said, "so now you know what it is to screw an unconscious person"

*opens eyes* "hey Hunny, Good nite" *scratch*

Day 54
So tired…Oh why o why must I be dis way? Ok, so seriously, I have no idea if we had sex or not? I remember bits and pieces and also remember completely falling asleep with my ass in the air. I don't believe this was a dream. I honestly like sleep sex sometimes especially if it's a good dream and I have been known to sleep sex (kind of like sleep walking) so I have had many encounters but this shit is redic! I seriously have to look into this illness lately.

*butt in air talking into pillow* "yeah yeah…nite"


Day 55
I honestly don't want to write this at this moment so I will keep it short. My son keeps waking up and its driving me nuts. I can't get any work done otherwise because I am the only one who can do anything in the whole entire house. Thank goodness there was a morning romp because I am not a happy camper right now.

Day 56

Good morning zombies….getting jiggy with it. Ugh….me wants brains. Still tired.