Leave the dildo, keep the cannoli

Business as usual this week and we are all back to normal. No one is sick, work sucks and there is an impending snow storm that may kill us all on the horizon. Its winter people, it snows…. I will let you know if I survived when it's all over. Hey, if it traps us in the house for a few days I know what I will be doing to stay warm. There seems to be nothing else in Michigan to do in the winter around here anyway except get some action in your nice warm house, car, boat that is in heated storage, or ice shanty. Maybe that's why there are so many pregnancies that occur in the late fall through winter here? I KNOW all of mine did.

Week 5


Day 29
Same shit different day, but now with some new lingerie. Doesn't that make it all better? Oh and you can add in a bottle of wine to boot and then we are knocking some. He smiles and nods and its ON!


Day 30
Foot ball...FuuuTBALL (Say it with a really annoying sarcastic tone and that's where I am at)"Damn, I wish I were a football. Then I can get some action by a tight end in the middle of the day". That's OK Hun; I will sit here and watch. That's ok, really…No, no don't change the channel, I actually like foosball or whatever they call it (grimace). "Just as long as I get it when it's over…." I say under my breath with a smile.
When is halftime? Wanna meet me in the bathroom?


Day 31
So tonight I asked my dude if we could change it up a bit and I suggested that thing they call 69. Of course he responded with a big "hell yea!" and as I sat there, recounting what had just came out of my mouth, I hesitated for a moment thinking of how I should just go about getting on top of him. This is a delicate procedure that has to be done correctly, right? I started to think again and said, "well maybe not" …"Come on!" he says in an annoyed voice. Deep breath…ok, I climb on to him in the opposite direction and immediately felt awkward because my torso is apparently very long so really my stomach is at mouth level. Ok, what the hell am I supposed to do, pull his "thingy" down in order for it all to work out…wouldn't that be uncomfortable? We readjust and he begins. I do not. I don't start on him because I just began thinking this is not good.

So there I am presenting my ass like a Howler Monkey thinking – "omg, did I shave? My asshole is like staring him down! Are women supposed to shave their asses? Ew, I wonder if it smells? What if I fart (don't think that would happen cause' girls don't fart) Gawd that would be nast…but I am clean, I should smell like a peach…omg, but what if I don't? "My spinning thoughts totally ruined the moment. I quickly got off of him and just said "you know I rather give you a blow-job Hun." So that was my venture with 69. Yeah, not so well. Maybe next time (after I get a Brazilian wax)


Day 32
The blizzard is upon us…well, that's what the meteorologist said. But this is a funny looking blizzard because it looks just like a regular snow storm out my window. Hmmmph. Daddy-o comes home and we talk about him missing hockey for this potential blizzard. He looks at me and laughs and asks "are you really scared about a little snow?" "I could be", I say and attempt to explain to him that if he stays home we could have a romp a few times instead of just once… No dice. Sigh. I guess I will just have to wait until he comes back and I am sure it will be fine.
Later, he finds me on the couch sleeping and wakes me up. I dunno, something about half sleep sex that is somewhat paramount.


Day 33
After the night before, I was really into trying to tell myself that everything was presentable in my nether regions. My guy assured me that I was great down there and there is no need to be stupid about it. He told me as he was immersed in a hockey game so who knows if he is serious. I couldn't help it though; I have issues, when I am not sure about something I have to make sure that I am 100% confident so I have no concern when I am in the situation. I thought about the whole Brazilian option but felt that it would be crazy awkward to get all nekid with some random person in order for them to wax my crotch and butt hair. So I trot off to the bathroom. In my quest to making sure that I am completely smooth everywhere I made a grave mistake. I decided to take matters in my own hands and bought a waxing kit at the store. So with a mirror, waxing strips and some hot wax, I began to lady-scape myself. Directions: Ok, so spread the wax: Check. Apply the fabric strip: Check….Pull strip off in the opposite direction in a fast motion while holding skin taught with the other hand….checkkkkk YEOW-CH! "JEZUS CHRYSTUS MATKA BOSKA!!!" "That's enough waxing!" I say as I hurl the wax jar across the floor while simultaneously reversing screaming. I am going to have to shave the rest of this beast. HOLY COW that hurt. How the hell can people do that? I should have invested on the Tranny doing Brazilian waxes at my nearest spa. Now, even though I have to shave, I have an enormous bruise on the side of my V-J-J and it really looks ugly. Sigh. Later on, we got it on. He laughed. It hurt L


Day 34
My body is getting more accustomed to the ol' Boomtangle even though my inner crotch is still bruised. It's sort of like a pavlovian influence (conditioned response) because I swear that whenever I see my husband now, my Va-J-J begins to salivate! HA!


Day 35
1-2-3….oooooooooohhhh yeah Baby! FRIDAY morning slob knob for my babies Daddy! I decided to give "her" a rest and a cold compress later. HA! This is the best way to start the weekend Y'all, you have to try it.




I have nothing learned this week other than to stay the Fuck away from waxing strips on my Hoo Ha. Well I guess one thing more, don't worry about yourself and just enjoy the moment as it comes because thinking too much ruins the moment.