No poo poo for Bo Bo

So many times in relationships you will question its integrity by the act of fighting with one another. Fighting is actually a human instinct and to prove your ideals are important, right and the way to go. A scoff is the way that it comes out and usually the way it ends is one person being mad at the other. If you are a woman, this typically means that you will issue the silent treatment for a said amount of time, spite the other person by refusing his needs and give evil glances from time to time…oh, and with your hands folded. For males, this usually means that you punch a wall, a pillow or call a name and then completely forgot the incident took place, go on believing that you are right and later understand that you must say sorry to the person giving you the silent treatment before you can get some sex again. No one won and no problem was solved. In relationships the 3 main fights are about money, sex and kids….In my relationship, the fights are about time; time for each other and time for being individuals. With crazy work/school schedules how are you supposed to have time to do what you need to do to become a whole person? How are you supposed to be good to others when you can't even do the things that you need to do to be good to yourself? Desperately we come up with sand as it runs through our fingers and in the frustration; we lash out on the closest people around us –Our Spouses, kids and whoever else is close. This is perfectly natural but as I have said before, balance is so important. Allowing each other to breathe once in a while is a good thing to keep in mind.
Week 4


Day 22
Oye, this week did not start off well. Overall I felt stressed and I really needed some time to myself that never came out. The Mr. got to go out 2 nights this week and I pretty much did what I always do…take care of the kiddies. And that really isn't a bad thing because I really do have some amazing children and thank goodness for them all the time. Women really need that time away because it's just like working a 24 hour job 7 days a week. The fight began because I got a little bitchy because frankly, I wanted what I wanted. Later on when time had softened us we dimed the lights, put some candles on and started going at it but it did not last long. Who the hell fights in the middle of sex? I do! Lol Seriously, I threw off the covers and got all huffy on my way to the bathroom. He was like "wtf"?!?! "I really just want to be left alone", I say. Really, I had just been thinking that he gets his way all the time and now he gets his way AGAIN by getting some action and for some reason it made me a little bitter. So technically even though there was some action…it was like a big pause button had been pushed.

Day 23
It's a much better atmosphere in the morning and after finally expressing my true thoughts and why I was mad, he understood and actually apologized. I apologized for my behavior as well and the rest of the day went pretty well. The morning especially went well as we diverted the kids to play in their rooms while we had a makeup quickie in our room. The rest of the day went to shit as he left to watch some football and I got to do what I normally do every day of my friken life….Bastard…

Day 24
Ok, so in my little Kama Sutra fascination I have realized that some of the positions are downright UN-achievable and only stick thin people who eat kale all the time might, JUST might manage them, leading to my belief that big booty girls need to write their own version of the damn thing. Look, Kim Kardashian once told me "nice ass…" Over the years, while it has gotten larger (but still cute) admiration of my booty has always been a source of seduction when it came to my man. Put on some black thongs, walk around in front of him, bend over…instant stiff one. Now it is a source of disappointment in my opinion because some of these positions are a struggle because let's just say that my rear flotation devices act as a blocker for the big freighter that is trying to come into the harbor.

Day 25
By the time my hubby got home I was so tired, I was ready to get it on and go to sleep. (I think I see a trend week to week with this statement) Anyway so right away we jump on the bed and commence to stuff… But I kept smelling this odd odor that I could not place or locate and just played it off like "well, tonight was hockey night…maybe he didn't wash his pads and shirts from last time – hockey players equipment are notoriously raunchy- whatever…so he is a stinky guy, who am I to judge" Meanwhile, I have not shaved my legs in two days and my hair is starting to cause friction inside my pant leg to my pajama bottoms. So anyway, we are going at it and finally I am just downright grossed out and sit up, ask him if he smells what I smell and he says, "Yes! I thought it was you?!!?!" Like seriously? "You thought it was ME????" I argue. "Whatever let's just get back to where we were and try to forget about it", he continues. Ok, let's do it. So again, I cannot stand the smell and finally lean into the nape of his neck and into the pillow where I find a stinky, rotten, nasty-shmasty dirty DIAPER that I had changed earlier on the fly in my bedroom right in my NOSE. UGGGHHHHHH NAST. No more changing the baby on the bed.

Day 26
So among other things, he is feeling frisky tonight. We enjoy a sexy hot tub outside in freeeezing temperatures and then re-warm up in the bedroom. Wink Wink. After all, how can I deny the man since it was my idea for all of this to begin with and who can blame him – he's just trying to get some stank for his "hang-low"!? Whata guy!

Day 27
Late nights are the pits especially when you are horney and feeling better! I have had this odd, "feel like poop" feeling lately and quite frankly I was ready to get on some speed. I really think that what the kids had, I ended up getting but in a different form. I just wanted to sleep and had headaches for a few days. So tonight I felt really powerful, wore some sexy new lingerie and even gave him a lap dance and I am so glad that I didn't fall or make myself look like an idiot! It's interesting of how confident I feel and I am so glad he is digging it.

Day 28
As you probably know by now, we start our day right at the end of the week with morning breath and crazy hair-a-blazin! Happy Friday, Darlin'.
Tonight, I will finally get to go out with some friends. This has not happened for months and months and I am so happy! I could care less where I go just as long as I get to go. However, when I get home he better look out because I am raping his ass (not his ass literally…ew).



What have I learned this week? Well for starters, my confidence has begun to rise again. Also, being able to speak to each other about needs is important and something that I am used to blowing off in all directions but something has changed and it's something that I am not sure if would had taken place if this whole NYE resolution did not come into fruition. Indeed think that it's changing us for the better on many levels.

Yippy Oh-KY

Apparently this week I have a boost in my IgA levels. Now that can either mean that I am part of the Independent Grocers Alliance or I have more antibodies of Immunoglobulin A in my system, I will take the latter. In my initial post I may have said that having sex often can trigger a series of health benefits one being the boost in immunity. I have seen benefits this week as all of my children have acquired some sort of plague. Insert jingle à(Nausea ^VOMIT^ –heartburn- indigestion –upset stomach –Diarrhea *make sure you hold on to your butt when you sing that part)). In all of the pleasantries of the week I am astonished to say that I did not get sick! I know you all could care less but my point is that there could really be something there to the benefits of sex. I admit that this could all be total coincidental and that I could be just the lucky one this week.


Week 3


Day 15
We start our week right- Tickets to Kid Rock at Ford Field and knowing that some crazy shenanigans will come out of the night. We begin the night at Hockey town and drink draft beer on the 3^rd floor packed in like sardines. Being bumped repeatedly by some random guy dancing was comical entertainment to past the time before we had to go. But before we actually made it into the stadium we went to another party, somewhat of a garage hang out with standing heaters and port-a-potties. I thought that I caught another good buzz here but it could have been the carbon monoxide. From here the electricity of the night was awesome and we enjoyed dancing and singing until the last song.
I know I know…that was a pretty boring entry/night all together huh? I would love to tell you that we found some little alley way somewhere and went to town but no, it didn't happen. It was like 13 degrees and OTHERS around. How would you like to be mugged while doing it? I wouldn't.
Any way….we get home and "get it on" before both of us pass out at 4 am. At least we didn't forget.

Day 16
No heat….Wonderful. This shit always happens on the weekend when you cannot get the "Bryant" part at your heating and cooling place. We ate dinner in our hats and gloves and laughed when every time someone said something, someone would go "what?" since we all had our ears covered. Since we didn't want our little ones to be popsicles in the morning, we went to the store – to warm the F' up…sheesh – and bought a room heater so we would be warm. We also stumbled upon something fun at the store to try; 'Yours and Mine' KY personal lubricant….. "hey look hun, yippy-oh KY!!!", I say. "'We should totally try this!!! Did you ever see that commercial where those people are in bed and then this…and then the fireworks?!" I wonder if there will really be fireworks. I am down for a little fire. He gave me this look as to say, "Seriously? I am freezing my nuts off at home and you're worried about if the shit really gives out sparks????''…"Well I am buying it", I say and toss it into the basket. My daughter was like "ooooh pretty bottles"….'HEY! put that down kid, you will go blind or…somethin'
Later on, we forgot all about the lube and went straight to keeping warm like a homeless person in February. Since our kids had to sleep with us, we capitalized on our time and found ourselves in the coldest bathroom in the world. Amazingly, it was over quick.


Day 17
I lost 5 lbs!!!!! YESH!!! Happy dance. I know it's just water weight coming off from my last weeks (that bitch) but still, nice to see the scale go in that direction for a change. Anyway, now that the heater was fixed and the house was warm again the night was much better. Once the kids went to bed (DUH!) we went down stairs and lit some candles, laid a blanket (omg, I just typed blankey –total MOM moment) and had our little vials waiting for us. We wanted it to be completely sensual…just like in the commercials! Ha! Anyway – I lay on the blanket and he took the vial. I thought that he was going to put it where it is supposed to go, instead he emptied almost the whole tube into his hand and proceeded to rub PERSONAL LUBRICANT all over my chest and stomach….Uh, I don't know about you but that stuff is NOT supposed to go there. I had my whole belly button filled with the stuff. Then I started to feel kind of funny. OH crap, my whole body had a tingly sensation all over it; especially my belly button and then I touched my eye.
"OH MY GOD I just touched my eye. I am going to go blind! I just got done telling my kid that and now look at me!" I just couldn't take it anymore and started hysterically laughing all the while my hunny is looking at me in this cute innocent face like, "I didn't know where?!!?" After I wiped the majority of the $27 love potion/assailant deterrent off of me and my eye stopped burning, I taught him where it was supposed to go. It was nice, but no explosions or anything like that. Thank god.

Day 18
Today is the day that I was vomited on repeatedly by my son. Followed by diaper change after diaper change…..poor little guy. The plague, aka. Stomach flu touched down at our household. I felt so bad for the little guy and a strict B.R.A.T diet was started. He seemed to feel better as the day went on so I felt more confident as I laid him in bed at night. When my honey pants came home that night, I was anxious, once again…. (Does that surprise you?) to get this over and done with.

Day 19
I straddled him, he loved it and I felt like pervert of the year for the dirty things that I told him that night. I am finding myself getting better and better at this as the weeks go on. He totally loves it too!

Day 20
Is it wrong of me to say that when I don't get to have "one" I feel a little short changed? I know it's harder for women to get it but it would be nice every time, right? Don't get me wrong, it was amazing anyway. I should have used the KY, I actually needed those fireworks this time.

Day 21
Nothing like morning head to start his/your day. Awww yeah!


Week three motha f***a, POW!




Whether or not I am getting good things out of this is still yet to be determined. I will say that this week it has been a slightly hectic one and to be honest, we didn't talk much. We were both tired and both clutched at straws in order to just relax. I am certain, however, that even though we were tired the nookie gave us better sleep.

Fatty Drives the Bus

Back in 1999 when I first met my husband I worked out 4-5 hours a day; I lived at the gym. I ate very healthy and looked pretty damn good. I even had a washboard for a little while. Our sex life was also pretty damn good back then too. I am not saying that it isn't good anymore; I am saying that it was really good back then because I felt a little better about myself. I could care less back then if I walked around the house naked or surprised my man wearing nothing but an overcoat. I felt powerful, healthy, wealthy and positive. Over the years my body image has become an obsessive problem rather than something that I am pleased with. Every day I must think about how I can lose weight or get back into the pair of jeans that now look like something my daughter will be able to wear in a few years. One thing I can admit is that when I am focused and my desire for something is high, there is no way that I will be stopped before I reach my goal. And that is essentially the problem. If I can't go "balls out" (ha) I won't go at all. To find the balance is important in all things is something that I am beginning to be more aware of. Too much of a good thing isn't so good anymore.


Week 2





Day 8
Aren't Saturdays supposed to be fun? I think that there should be a law somewhere that makes people have to have fun on Saturdays…I mean, you can have fun every other day but Saturdays are "getcrazy" day. Ok, anyway, Hubster had to work (BOO!!!) and when he came home, I had pulled all of my hair out. He could tell that I was a little off so we decided to take the kids out to dinner which is something we don't normally do. If you are asking yourself about now, "well why not, L***", I will gladly let you take my 4, 3 and 15month old out next time. *snicker* But I digress, it was a fabulous time and I was back to my old self again. Later, after the kids were sleeping (of course, duh!) it was ON!!!! I decided to try some new positions that I found to be challenging to even look at. I saw them in a book once and wondered how the woman in the picture got her leg to go there – so I decided to break out the book and give it a shot. Momma Mia….



Day 9
I was like pookie from new jack city. I just wanted it. What the hell! Have I become an addict??? Omg…oh NO. I will have to think about this new idea over a glass of wine.


Ok, I am back. I think that I am just getting more accustomed to enjoying sex rather than becoming addicted. I mean, I don't NEED IT. Or Do I? I am off try a different page in my book. J

Day 10
I GAINED 3 pounds! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL. I roll my eyes and jump off the scale. This can be explained in only 2 ways…I either gained some muscle mass while trying to sustain a perfect kama-sutra pose, and I swear that shit is like Pilates, while getting it on. OR it was from all of my recent alcohol consumption in order for myself to be willing to partake in my latest sex venture. I don't know but I think the rest of this week I will see about laying off the crazy positions….and maybe switch to white and only half the bottle.



Day 11
I got a knock at my door this morning, it was my Aunt "flo"…she is in this week to surf the crimson waves and to present me with a lovely token of femininity. Thanks Bitch. Ruin my whole week. I am not going to give this up without a fight. I explained to "M" that I will be shutting down for the remainder of the week but in spite of my nice visitor, I will be exploring the act of felatio. His eyes glaze over and he nods an empathetic look….so understanding that man, I tell ya. But he did remind me that it would be OK, if I didn't want to as he would totally understand if I needed a break. Really, this may mean that he is the one that needs some time off (Silly man).

This gift also makes me realize that it wasn't my favorite wine or book that lead me to my weight gain. Yay!


Day 12
Hmmm..mmmm hmmmm ummmmm. Sorry I had something in my mouth. There has to be a better way. Why did his stamina have to improve now? Owell, he is happy.



Day 13
I pondered trying phone sex today because I just don't know if I can do the whole….hand-mouth-thingy thing again today…I'm sure I COULD but why not switch it up, right? I discovered how much of a prude I have become (Thank God for this intervention on NYE) because when I tried to come up with some sex-talk, I just couldn't. I used to be able to do that night and day but now I can just see him putting me on speaker phone at work (I don't think he would really do that but you never know~) or worrying about if the kids were nearby to hear what HORRIBLE things I was saying to their father. Ok just say it, I tell myself…I want you to….… I am so .…..to me there and then ...BAAAHHH I can't. "Just come home Hun, I think I have some edible massage lotion or something somewhere".


Day 14
Just letting you all know that things are going just fine. Apart from my throat being slightly bruised from this week, I am great. My husband is even better. I have also learned some tricks along the way – It does not have to be an acquired taste you know - It can be strawberry or peach or even mint. Week 2 down….BOO YA! Take that Auntie, ya BiA!





Letting yourself enjoy and appreciate balances in your live can help you to have a healthy relationship with what it is that you want to achieve. Knowing that sex, exercise and eating right should be in my life, there is no reason to get all obsessed and nitpick every detail. There will be down times, there will be issues but letting yourself go once in a while is OK. It will happen if you want it to and it will continue as long as you enjoy it.

And what am I doing again?

My husband and I always have this argument that comes up once in a while. Even though we don't argue a lot, this particular concept always surfaces. When it comes to "love making" I need to be put into the mood, wooed I guess. You know, hold my hand, cuddle, and tell me I am beautiful with OUT grabbing my ass. I need to feel that I am cherished and worthy of sex-less affection. That may be true for most women. Now the way he expresses this desire is that basically there is an instinctual urge, need and if anything it just simply needs to be satisfied to function normally mentally again. So we would constantly go in a circle, me saying "I need affection, a hug, soft kisses, cuddling to give you sex" and he would rebuttal "but I need sex to give you affection". I always felt that this was so shitty, why the hell should I have to give it up to get something so damn simple. Then the thought becomes resentful territory because I would create a barrier between myself and the affection that he could give me. There was always feeling that his motive was sex and not affections. I cannot say that I get the needs of a man yet, but alas I am not a man…I really don't know what that feels like. Hell, I haven't felt that way since I was single and didn't care what the other people thought.

Week 1



Day 1
Exercise? How is this shit supposed to be exercise when it's over before I even hit the bed??
Yeah, who the heck said that this was exercise? Hmmmmp….at least it was quick and painless. "this should be a piece of cake"
Day 2
This day was a little more interesting. It was a little more like a normal date night where you know what is coming, you try to pull out the stops a little more than usual. Kids went off to bed at a reasonable hour, nice movie, wine…little candle light. It was nice, very relaxing because we wanted to please each other. M' is usually good with worrying about whether or not I was happy and for the most part, when they are nights like this, it was nice.
Day 3
Woke up and business as usual, getting down to the grind with the kids back to school and everything but I did notice a small change, I was more cheerful and less stressed out. There was a huge laundry monster in the wash-room but I didn't care…I kicked at the door a few times to scare it down but whatever…it was in there. There was also dishes in the washer and whatever else that was thrown about. I normally start my day with a little hostility because I have a goal that all this stuff has to be done by 11 so I can feel more focused. But I did not care, there could be a bomb that was going to hit and I would be cool with that. I even did my hair and put on some makeup without rushing and throwing on a hat.
That night was a late night for the hubster' so quick late night nooky was the plan. He came home the kids were sleeping all the chores done, homework done…everything good. I followed him to the room and threw him on the bed. I had a mission! Plus the show was about to start and we needed to get this over with. Well…my guy took a little longer than expected…what the hell? I swear to gosh I broke a slightly damp sweat! My heart was a bit racier too! I asked him later what the hell happened. He told me (read this in a man's voice in your head for humor) "I told you this stuff would happen; a man gets more stamina by getting it often!! Geeezzz". Damn it, I thought.
Day 4
IT TOOK Foreverrrrrr and both of us thought that this was a stupid idea. First of all, this NEVER used to take this long…ever since we met, 2-4 minutes tops! The problem in this night is that we were rushing because we wanted to get it over with. We both wanted to relax and watch some TV and I needed to clean up the kitchen etc. It's hard when you have an idea of what you expect and it's completely the opposite. The positive – more exercise!
Day 5
Although I have been feeling pretty darn spunky lately I did not want to do this. I was so tired…I think I wined more than the kids about having to brush their teeth. He also told me that he was tired and it was almost like he was saying "mercy…mercy" in his eyes. He says "can't we just cuddle?". We sat there on the couch and sort of argued the thought of giving him a break (yeah right…a f'ing break? When did I ever think that YOU would ask for a break from sex you horn ball!) when I started surfing the crimson waves of the month. I rolled my eyes in protest and he just wanted to sit on the couch, hold hands and hang out with the cat on our laps…but then he was like…Fine you win. He stood up and (ok, I swear to you that are my friends we did not do this on the couch!!! Or any furniture in our living room) we immediately began to kiss and for some reason, things just transpired in the midst of the living room without even making it to the room and it was great. When it was over, M' said "ha ha…That was funny! I have to tell you something". Uh, I was thinking 'oh great, he finally got to see me in the light and he is going to make fun of my back fat or something'. He chuckles and then tells me that at one point our cat, Ziggy who had been on the couch was right in front of us watching. He got up as if he stepped in a pile of puke or something, moved over to another part of the couch and faced the wall as if to say "omg you guys, really? Come on that is GROSS!" He just sat there staring in the complete opposite direction with his back to us for a while….and when it was over he turned his head and slanted his eyes to say "you disgust me!"
Later on that night before turning in for the night he said something like: "I can't wait to cuddle with you in bed and wrap my arms around you" and to me that was the best thing ever.

Day 6
Interesting night because neither of us talked about it until we actually went to bed for the night, we did get in and immediately held each other and that was nice. I did however; get to put on my "O" face this time. YAY. Later when I asked him if he was sick of this, he said "no, it's awesome!". I have to learn to put my silly intuitions aside because they sometimes get me into trouble. I think and worry of things that have not yet transpired and most of the time they never do and that is a stupid mind game that needs to end. To feel confident you must be able to let things go and believe in yourself.
Day 7
YES!!!!! We did it. 1 week down! 8=====D - - - "O" (Sorry, sick humor)


As you can tell our little argument from the top of the page has switched a bit too where I am getting more affection or more affection that I wasn't seeing before is now in plain sight. I see him in a different, more romantic light more and am anxious for the upcoming months. I can already see an improvement on my stress level and I feel less depressed as I was. I have been for quite some time and it is so hard to pull yourself together when it's always there. I can tell you that I have laughed more with my children and played more for quite some time. I feel like I am getting back to me, real me, silly me.

2011 New Year Resolution

One day I was reading an article that said that having sex can improve your complexion, boosts immunity, helps you lose weight, improves your marriage, helps you sleep better and relieves stress. As I sat there I wondered if any of it was true. I mean, can it really clear your face?!?! Not like I really care….although it was interesting. Just then a light bulb went off in my head and the first thing that I thought about was; New Year’s Resolution…yeah, New Year’s resolution; that’s what it will be!!! I had visions of me in a size 8, with clear skin (although I already have clear skin), with my husband proudly gazing at me as I slept stress free and soundly. Wow what an epiphany! This feeling is similar to seeing p90x infomercials and thinking, I can so do that by the end of the hour…never mind that you are 250lb and can hardly tie your shoes.

I exercised the notion for a few more days and decided that this was the best possible choice to skirting my usual “lose weight” goal for New Year’s. I walked into the room where my husband was and immediately announced my plans for my resolution. He appeared thrilled and decided that we should start right then. I had to let the guy down; patting his chest I assured him that the resolution would start no later than January 1, 2011. He looked slightly disappointed but I thought I saw a glimmer of victory in his eyes. Upon leaving the room I began to sweat and thought that I should have considered this a bit more.

“Oh my god, I should have inserted my foot in my mouth!! How the hell am I going to do this EVERY DAY!?!?! I could hardly stand at the end of the day because I was so tired chasing the kids around and everything else that goes on. This man hears “I’m tired 365 days of the year!?!” . Ok, keep it cool, you can do this. I mean, why not? How bad can it be? It could only be good, only good could come out of it so help me god, only good”

Now, I am the type of person to take the stress that I can place in the back of my mind and just throw it away so I just thought, its ok, no big deal. On NYE, in a tipsy state I told my mother about my plans and she responded like that Ralphies Mother in a Christmas story “You’ll shoot your eye out!” only she said “That is impossible, you won’t last a week! If you do that then I will buy your asses dinner! Hahahaha!”

So it begins, 1 year with sex everyday (I can’t believe I am doing this). I will try to update every week and log all of the positive and negative improvements throughout this journey.