Fatty Drives the Bus

Back in 1999 when I first met my husband I worked out 4-5 hours a day; I lived at the gym. I ate very healthy and looked pretty damn good. I even had a washboard for a little while. Our sex life was also pretty damn good back then too. I am not saying that it isn't good anymore; I am saying that it was really good back then because I felt a little better about myself. I could care less back then if I walked around the house naked or surprised my man wearing nothing but an overcoat. I felt powerful, healthy, wealthy and positive. Over the years my body image has become an obsessive problem rather than something that I am pleased with. Every day I must think about how I can lose weight or get back into the pair of jeans that now look like something my daughter will be able to wear in a few years. One thing I can admit is that when I am focused and my desire for something is high, there is no way that I will be stopped before I reach my goal. And that is essentially the problem. If I can't go "balls out" (ha) I won't go at all. To find the balance is important in all things is something that I am beginning to be more aware of. Too much of a good thing isn't so good anymore.


Week 2





Day 8
Aren't Saturdays supposed to be fun? I think that there should be a law somewhere that makes people have to have fun on Saturdays…I mean, you can have fun every other day but Saturdays are "getcrazy" day. Ok, anyway, Hubster had to work (BOO!!!) and when he came home, I had pulled all of my hair out. He could tell that I was a little off so we decided to take the kids out to dinner which is something we don't normally do. If you are asking yourself about now, "well why not, L***", I will gladly let you take my 4, 3 and 15month old out next time. *snicker* But I digress, it was a fabulous time and I was back to my old self again. Later, after the kids were sleeping (of course, duh!) it was ON!!!! I decided to try some new positions that I found to be challenging to even look at. I saw them in a book once and wondered how the woman in the picture got her leg to go there – so I decided to break out the book and give it a shot. Momma Mia….



Day 9
I was like pookie from new jack city. I just wanted it. What the hell! Have I become an addict??? Omg…oh NO. I will have to think about this new idea over a glass of wine.


Ok, I am back. I think that I am just getting more accustomed to enjoying sex rather than becoming addicted. I mean, I don't NEED IT. Or Do I? I am off try a different page in my book. J

Day 10
I GAINED 3 pounds! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL. I roll my eyes and jump off the scale. This can be explained in only 2 ways…I either gained some muscle mass while trying to sustain a perfect kama-sutra pose, and I swear that shit is like Pilates, while getting it on. OR it was from all of my recent alcohol consumption in order for myself to be willing to partake in my latest sex venture. I don't know but I think the rest of this week I will see about laying off the crazy positions….and maybe switch to white and only half the bottle.



Day 11
I got a knock at my door this morning, it was my Aunt "flo"…she is in this week to surf the crimson waves and to present me with a lovely token of femininity. Thanks Bitch. Ruin my whole week. I am not going to give this up without a fight. I explained to "M" that I will be shutting down for the remainder of the week but in spite of my nice visitor, I will be exploring the act of felatio. His eyes glaze over and he nods an empathetic look….so understanding that man, I tell ya. But he did remind me that it would be OK, if I didn't want to as he would totally understand if I needed a break. Really, this may mean that he is the one that needs some time off (Silly man).

This gift also makes me realize that it wasn't my favorite wine or book that lead me to my weight gain. Yay!


Day 12
Hmmm..mmmm hmmmm ummmmm. Sorry I had something in my mouth. There has to be a better way. Why did his stamina have to improve now? Owell, he is happy.



Day 13
I pondered trying phone sex today because I just don't know if I can do the whole….hand-mouth-thingy thing again today…I'm sure I COULD but why not switch it up, right? I discovered how much of a prude I have become (Thank God for this intervention on NYE) because when I tried to come up with some sex-talk, I just couldn't. I used to be able to do that night and day but now I can just see him putting me on speaker phone at work (I don't think he would really do that but you never know~) or worrying about if the kids were nearby to hear what HORRIBLE things I was saying to their father. Ok just say it, I tell myself…I want you to….… I am so .…..to me there and then ...BAAAHHH I can't. "Just come home Hun, I think I have some edible massage lotion or something somewhere".


Day 14
Just letting you all know that things are going just fine. Apart from my throat being slightly bruised from this week, I am great. My husband is even better. I have also learned some tricks along the way – It does not have to be an acquired taste you know - It can be strawberry or peach or even mint. Week 2 down….BOO YA! Take that Auntie, ya BiA!





Letting yourself enjoy and appreciate balances in your live can help you to have a healthy relationship with what it is that you want to achieve. Knowing that sex, exercise and eating right should be in my life, there is no reason to get all obsessed and nitpick every detail. There will be down times, there will be issues but letting yourself go once in a while is OK. It will happen if you want it to and it will continue as long as you enjoy it.