A river runs through it

Memories are nice to look back on once in a while to see why we are who we are today. They teach us our faults and lessons learned; they have a place where no one else can go to see your hurt and at the same time give you a safe feeling when you are feeling unsure. I sometimes try to remember the places where I have been to get back in touch with my former self, a more active and vibrant self, the person who I would like to be more like again.

Week 18


Day 113

 What a beautiful day to get the kids out and get some weeds out of the garden and getting ready to plant some seeds soon. We planted some raspberry bushes and blueberry bushes so we hope this will be good for us this year! The kids sure were excited. We all got completely down and dirty and played with everything, soccer, sand, chalk, bubbles, swings, mud and water and all the feelings of child hood came rushing back to me. I felt like a kid again and the kids marveled at how my attitude changed from being a "no, don't do that" mom to, "Ok, go ahead...dirt never hurt anyone" type. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately realizing that feeling down is just because I constantly nag myself to be an over achiever and in reality there never is enough time to do everything that I want putting pressure on myself. So to let go of my image, the way my house looks, the A+++ and everything else I expect of myself and my kids are unrealistic. I was able to have fun and did not care for a moment whatsoever. This of course may change as things DO need to get done LOL! I cared less SO much that I even decided to take a shower with my guy without even flinching at the fact that we would be naked, in the same place with the lights ON and he would more than likely see my large behind in all its glory! Ha ha! I hoped that he wouldn't go blind because that shit is like staring at the sun. He of course, did not go blind and it was a liberating experience.

Day 114
Today is the day that we all have time to hang out and catch up on chores or to fix what is broken in the house. This time, there was a leak in our basement that needed to be fixed. Swear it's like one thing after another. An addition to the basement drama my daughter is having a school mate spend the night so this should be really interesting. One thing that I cannot stand is being intimate when my kids are around or other kids are here. I just feel like it needs to be when we have absolute privacy but with kids there is seldom a quiet let alone, private moment. We figure that the best thing to do is to get out our needs in the early morning before all of the chaos erupts.

Day 115
Working on new ways to be experimental (in the modest of senses) in the bedroom have got me a little bored. I have books and read articles on what you should try. A lot of the stuff that I read I find myself laughing out loud thinking "yeah, right…that would go over well" or "that would NEVER happen". I don't think that I would ever want to be karate chopped in the throat after giving head so that I could say that I have been "walrus'd". That is not loving or fun to anyone but an immature guy playing with his girlfriend who he will eventually hump and dump. No, having semen trickle out of the corners of your mouth would not be a memory that I would want my husband to have of the mother of his children. Anyway, tonight I was on top and it was good but it was familiar and safe. I need some more practical ideas that others have tried that are nice, romantic and can get us both off. Any suggestions? Comment anonymously if you have tried something that bears repeating.

Day 116
All of the kids fell asleep at 7 o'clock!!! OH MY goodness what shall a woman with some peace do? Pour me some wine and watch what I want to watch on the T.V and wait for my husband to come home so I can attack him! That's what I will do! With that, by the time my husband comes home I am somewhat tired because of the wine and slightly less willing than before. However, I do feel a little more attractive as many women may feel when they have a nice buzz. Some women look in the mirror and think to themselves "damn I look good" with smudged makeup, out of place hair and all (meanwhile you really look like a half-eyed, ugly, desperate hag). I follow him into the bedroom and before he can take off his wet hockey shirt I assert myself to let him know that I want something by grabbing his package. What man on god's green earth would turn that gesture down? So we get that out of the way and lay down like a kitten that had too much milk. Content.

Day 117
Had a little frazzled day because I couldn't be with my one daughter on a field trip and at the same time forgot all about a different field trip all together! Later, the dude came home and we hung out with the kids for a while before they went off to sleep. We watched hockey and yelled at the TV, it was fun! Later we were talking about how he (my husband) had a dream the other night about "getting me from the other way". I immediately explained to him that would never happen in his lifetime as long as he is with me. I tried it a long time ago and I would never even attempt it with him due to his…well, his size. He then informed me that it WOULD happen and that 70% of women say that they like it. Well, I explained right back to him that I happen to be in the 3% of women that would rather poke hot needles into my eyes than get it through the back door. No way, never…NO HOW! When it was time for some action, I could see the line of mischief in his eyes and diffused it quickly with just going below his belt for my secret weapon (lollipop). He didn't bring up the back door again that night.

Day 118
Today I took the kids to the nature center to see all kinds of wild life. Painted turtles, bull frogs, red winged black birds and some cool crane looking bird that kept dive bombing the pond catching fish were serious highlights. Remembering back into my relationship with my husband, I thought of the fun times we had camping and the one time we threw my friend out of the tent so we could get busy one time! Ha! Good times good times. There was a time we found ourselves on a nature trail in the middle of a forest having to jump over small rivers and finally getting blocked. Looking at an enormous tree that had fallen over the path, we had to climb it and jump over to reach the other side. Once we got to the other side we were reminded how alone we were at that point and since the huge tree reminded me of something else that was huge, we snatched up the chance to be "one with nature" and let me tell ya, a log is one interesting thing to be bent over while you are being banged. There was moss, wood pecker holes and all sorts of interesting things to look at. I wonder what his thoughts were..."Oh shit, I hope nobody sees us. Damn this feels good…what the heck is that brushing up on my calve?" Since this day was pretty warm, when my hunny came home I suggested that we get in touch with our nature side and relax outside for a bit at night. So we did and being bent over patio furniture at night is not as interesting as being bent over a log in the day time in the middle of the woods.

Day 119
Friday!!! This better be a good day. With the way that this morning and most Fridays start out, I can at least say that ½ the day is good.