Forever and For Always

When I think of how quickly years go by I really have to stop to catch my breath sometimes. My husband and I will be celebrating our 7^th Wedding anniversary this weekend and to me, this was the quickest 7 years and 11 years together! I remembered past relationships that may have lasted only a few years and thought that they d…r…a…g…g…e…d on and it's interesting to know that when you are with someone that you want to be with and who makes you complete, the adventure that you have together may only take but a blink.

Week 15

Day 92
I have been feeling kinda down about myself lately. I know I have a million irons in the fire but losing weight is really important to me right now and no matter how hard I try, I can't find the time to get in some exercise. I hate passing a mirror and find myself looking at old pictures wishing that I looked like that again. I would love to have a family portrait done but I am having a hard time with the fact that I will have to be in the photo rather than the one taking the picture. I tried waking up early only to have a child up all night so that I am exhausted by the time morning comes. Or I ask my kids to play while I get in some time on the treadmill, and then they start wanting to walk/play on it and my little dude would put his hands near the belt. I just don't get it. Maybe there is some kind of alignment with the universe that states that I am destined to be a fat ass for the rest of my life. I know that this is only temporary and that once all the kids are in school full time it will be easier but, I want it now so bad. So my outlook on my appearance has had another down turn today because when it came the time to have some fun with my guy, I felt awkward and gross and it put a damper on the emotion and passion that is usually there. He always gets so mad at me when I say stuff like this but today I couldn't stand him touching me….I usually can find the humor in all things but I just couldn't today. And the worst part is that because of these feelings, I did not enjoy sex with my husband today, how terrible that I let this get in the way. L

Day 93
This was the most beautiful and warm day in a long time and the fam spent most of our time outside! Well, almost everyone; my Husband was cooped up to watch the Masters. What a tart! I swear that golf stuff could put me to sleep faster than a knock out. Come to think of it, I rather knock myself out than watch that…but I digress, I was outside and I even got sunburned! Later on, and a few Leinekrugel's later, it was time to come in and get the kids to bed. I seriously have no life, huh? Anyway, once the kids were off to bed the Mr. kept looking at me and getting all grabby grabby, I thought to myself, "of course, now that Golf is over and the kids are sleeping he wants to give me some attention…well, I don't buy that MISTER!" But aside from my feelings, I went with the flow and not too long, it was over. Sigh…used again. Ha!

Day 94
I was able to exercise today! YAY!!!!!!! God that felt great! I know that there is a connection to mind, body and soul thing and to me, exercise feeds each of these things. It makes everything more positive, even my feelings for myself. A lot of women face these issues and I think that (and I can't believe that I am actually saying this but…..) media and men's feelings toward women, create this feeling of inadequacy for ourselves. I will face it, I will NEVER be a size zero; I am just not built that way, I am German for crying out loud. But I know for a fact that I can look damn hot at a size 8, shit even a size 12 so I am going to try to keep pluggin and feeling good. By the way, the SEX WAS AMAZING today!

Day 95
A catch up to a couple of things and some unexpected things (good things) sent me into a mode that made me feel like the flash, you know, that superhero that races around in a FLASH, today. I was trying to get 15 things done at once trying to free myself up for the weekend. In the same time, the MR. kept coming into the office letting me know that I am neglecting him by staying in the office doing work until god knows when. "Tough shit, I will come out when I am done!", I say irritated. I mean really, why do I get all kinds of grief when I have a little more to do? Is it because everyone expects something from me? Well, I know my husband does expect at least 1 thing…Anyway; I tried to be as fast as possible so that the "baby" could get what he wanted. I swear.

Day 96
So I have been thinking lately that I am really amazed at myself for being with my husband for so long. I mean, he is wonderful and I am seriously happy but looking down the path that I have come from makes me feel blessed that I was able to find someone like him. I was thinking of all of the qualities that he has and realizing that he really does have it all. Funny, smart, charming, empathetic, emotional, territorial sometimes (which really is a charming trait)…..wow, it's hard to find all of these in one guy. Oh who am I kidding, it's because he has a huge DICK! :O Drink another one "L3"!


Day 97
I really wish that there was more time in a day to get things that need to be done finished ( but really, I love being busy). To top it all my kids have been a bunch of stage 5 clingers and won't leave me alone to get things done! Its, "I want this" and "I want that", "Where is that "Can I change my clothes a million times", "Where are the butcher knives located?"…etc. ect…It's like, really kids? How do you want everything when I am busy and when I am not busy you could care less who I am and when lunch is for that matter! Anyway, so finally got most of my crap done and my man comes home to me packing some clothes for tomorrow. He gives me a big hug from behind and under the circumstances, it is a welcomed break. And oh what a break it was! It was just what I needed to get me back on track and ready to finish up.

Day 98
Today is a good day for sure because we leave to go on a mini vacation for our Anniversary! My Mother will be watching the kids all weekend (BONUS). We are going someplace that I have not been too and I am not sure if there is anything to do there but, what the hell. If there isn't anything to do, I know some indoor activities that will keep us plenty busy.

3 hrs from now we will get to Grand Rapids and check into our room with a bottle of champagne and relive our wedding night.     EEEKKKK so excited!